I was recently invited to one of the Dale Carnegie Training Days to support a great friend of mine for her graduation from the course. It was amazing watching the individuals talk about how far they had grown throughout the course.
Fear was the prominent topic of the group. They all had a mindset shift through the eight weeks and were now not fearful. Fear shows up in different ways for each of us.
For me, the fear of failing is something that actually motivates me to keep going and trying to be better. You will frequently hear me saying, “get on the train or get out of the way,” because I am always moving forward to my goals and dreams. Like a train, there is nothing that will stop me. This is my mindset, I am unstoppable.
I wasn’t always this way, and it seems society is always forcing us to be fearful. Perhaps you can relate to some of the fears.
This was a big one, there were many people caught up in their own insecurities. What will other people think if I fail? What will other people think if I make choices that aren't right for me? What will they think of my accent? What will they think of me if I stand in front of a crowd and speak? Will they be judging me? Will they feel bad for me?
Fear typically comes in the form of a question, even for fears like heights. What will happen if I fall? With questions, your brain is designed to answer them for you. It is a big giant computer looking for solutions to the questions you are asking. So, when you are asking out of fear, you will get the answer. In the case of falling, your brain might answer with, you will die, or be paralyzed or break a leg. That doesn’t sound good does it? Better avoid the situation altogether. Yes, that’s it, we won’t go anywhere high up where we might fall.
Well, that’s no fun. Not being able to do anything because of your fears. If you are constantly feeding into your fears you won’t do anything. You will continue to be stuck in the tiny box you are living in so that you don’t get hurt. Your fears are literally paralyzing you. They are preventing you from your greatness. They are preventing you from following your dreams. From making the world better with everything you have to offer. If you didn’t have your fears, you could change the world.
Use your problem solving brain to your advantage. Re-phrase your questions. Something as simple as, “what happens if I don’t?” If I don’t, I will regret not being able to share my knowledge with incredible women. They won’t be as successful and won’t be able to make a difference in with their product or service. The impact that I have because I am taking steps towards my goals is much more important than my fears. Growth is uncomfortable and necessary if you want to make a difference in your life and other people’s. Continue to rephrase your questions so you can break the spell of your fears.
Facing your fears can be super scary, but remember, it is so worth it. Your insecurities are usually not noticed by other people, they are too busy focusing on their own. It's all in your head. Continue to think of the rewards from stepping outside of your comfort zone. For example, by going for a walk, you are going to be healthier and stronger, this will allow you to live longer and travel more. It’s not as easy as sitting on your couch and watching Netflix, but the rewards of a longer healthier life are worth it!
If you are looking for someone to work through your fears with, whether you are starting a business or want to be better at public speaking, or any other fear, I am here for you. Give me a call, I would truly love to chat with you.