After visiting Ontario for my Gramma’s 80th Birthday last week, I came home feeling exhausted, anxious and relieved to be home. When I choose to go on a trip, this is not how I want to feel afterwards. I spent the week visiting family, trying to get enough time with everyone, keeping those who don’t get along away from each other long enough to make it out unscathed. As most of us know, the ones we love tend to hurt us the deepest, hence the seemingly never ending family drama.
I am one who likes to find the positives in every situation. When there aren’t positives to be found, I want to work through the pain and hurt so I can move onto celebrating my life and successes. My goal is to be happy. From what I’ve learned and experienced, holding onto pain is like carrying around a bag of bricks. There is just no use for it, and it does nothing but weigh you down and keep you from your own happiness. The negativity and resentment hurts not only you but the people around you as well. I’m by no means innocent, I’ve held onto pain too: through my parent’s divorce, their new relationships, I had this feeling of being neglected and I was hurt by it. I had to learn to let it go, or it would always be weighing me down.
Working Through the Pain
When you find yourself hurt by someone’s words or actions, you are thinking only of how it affects you. Take a moment and think of what the other person is going through. Is there truth to what they are telling you? If so, look inward to yourself on how you can be better. If there isn’t, know that it is the other person’s insecurities being projected onto you.
Your Pain is Valid
If you are feeling hurt, your pain is valid. You don’t need anyone else to verify your feelings. It’s okay to feel upset about something. Discussing it with everyone you meet only allows the pain to grow, your goal is to work through it, not add fuel to the fire.
“Without rain, nothing grows. Learn to embrace the storm of your life.”
Write It Down
Writing about your feelings is therapeutic. It can help you get your feelings out without making the situation worse. Ask yourself, if you continue to be hurt by this, how will it affect your life? Your relationships? The people around you? Is this something worth carrying around for the next five years?
Carry Your Own Weight
Don’t build an army. You must not allow anyone else to take on your pain. This only intensifies the situation. Your bag of bricks doesn’t get spread out, you give each person a new bag of bricks to carry. Make sure when you discuss with loved ones that they know not to take on your hurt. It is your responsibility to work through or carry the pain yourself.
Learn and Burn
Think of the lessons you are learning from this situation. Be grateful that you’ve had the opportunity to work through this difficult situation. Knowing that it will make you stronger and more capable to solve problems in the future. These trials are allowing you to be stronger, wiser and more able to take on the world. Write down your pain and literally light it on fire. Let it go! Allow the universe to take care of it for you so you can go on with living your happy life.
Are you holding onto pain?
Don’t be naïve to think that holding onto it doesn’t affect your life, your business and your relationships. It does! If you need to chat about working through your pain, send me a note, I am here to lift you up, Love!