Me too. Anxious, a little stressed, overwhelmed and probably putting way too much pressure on myself. You too? I read that anxiety is excitement without breath. I’ve also read that it’s living in the future instead of the present. (And worrying for that matter, is living in the past instead of the present.)
What’s up?
For me, I’ve experienced a bit of drama, good and bad and am trying to find my footing. I’m writing this and thinking that reflection is probably smart. So let’s reflect on what has us feeling this way. Most likely your feelings are 100% valid. (PS your feelings are always valid, that’s why you’re feeling them.) Think on things, write it down or talk to your person about it, sometimes it just feels good to talk about it or write about it. Hence this blog. I find sometimes we just put out the good online and not the process of working through things, so I hope my process helps you too.
My Therapy
I truly do enjoy writing. I feel it gives me a safe outlet to put things out there and let them sit. I love working towards my goals, financially, location-wise, fitness, health, relationships, etc. When I’m not “firing on all cylinders” so to speak I start feeling like I am feeling now. A bit in limbo. (I hate limbo.) Like I’m not succeeding at everything I’m working toward all at once. It sounds like a lot of pressure I know. It’s especially evident when I write it out. What do you do to cope? Fitness? Write? Meditate? Eat Ice cream?
Limbo
I was in negotiations with one of my clients that I contract to and they wanted to re-negotiate my contract so I make less money for the same work. (After me making them and the business a lot of money.) I didn’t like it, I told them. After a bit of back and forth and a couple of months, they decided they don’t want to work together anymore. Ouch. I was happy I valued my worth and didn’t settle. I knew I could get the same or better deal than they were offering elsewhere, but is that what I want? Not sure exactly. In this time, I picked up another gig which ended up being terminated by higher-ups, nothing to do with me, just got caught in the crossfire. In between all of this, it was Christmas, and my birthday and I went to FIji and got engaged!!!! HOW AMAZING?!?! I’m very happy and excited about this. I know it’s confusing for people because we aren’t sure if we want to get married, but we are 100% certain we want to be together forever. (Which FYI is what marriage is all about without the certificate.) Our engagement is exciting and is worth celebrating. We’ve been finding we’ve gotten more confusion than congratulations. This hurts my feelings, a whole lot of feelings are being felt lately. I don’t love it. It sucks actually. My life is pretty fucking amazing, I know. This past month has just kicked me a bit too much. So in limbo, I am. Still applying on jobs in California. Every. Single. Day. I do this because it’s my dream to live there and it will stick one day. One day they won’t even bat an eye that I’m Canadian and need a visa sponsor. They will just say, “Damn you fucking rock at what you do, we need you.” And, I will graciously accept and get on the next flight. In the meantime, I will deal with all of the rejection. What’s your limbo looking like? Does writing it out help minimize the feelings? It does for me, these are little problems.
Rejection
Doesn’t feel good. It makes us stronger, maybe? It makes us work harder. It makes us change our resume and cover letter and approach until we think, this is pure gold, they have to say yes. It makes you feel like giving up. I just want “it” so bad that I can’t bring myself to. I could take the easy way, I could find another job no problem, but I would feel like I’m settling for some of the jobs and I don’t settle. My Dad always said, “Never Settle.” So good for you and me for not settling, find ways to congratulate yourself. You’ve applied? You’ve put yourself out there? These are worth a little cheers to you!
Decisions
To be honest, I have options, I just am not sure what is right for me right now. I’m struggling to make the decision because none of them feel quite right which tells me to hold off until something feels right. I’m headed to Vancouver to explore an opportunity there which could be a dream job, I’m just not sure if Van is it for me or if it’s a distraction from my goal of Cali. What decisions do you have to make?
The Bright Side
I’m actually totally fine. I’m healthy, happy, have the skills to make money, a tenacious, resilient attitude and I am unstoppable. (You are too!) It’s okay to feel this way, just make sure you are finding the good in each day. Sometimes it’s just free time to read, or write, or call your Mom. Other times it’s a lesson. I’m looking at all of the things I do have and have provided for myself and I’m filled with gratitude. I will survive this little bump on my path to where I’m going. In fact, it’s obviously here for a reason, it’s here to show me the direction I should be going because the Universe wants me to get there quicker. Bikini is packed.
I wrote this to help me deal, and also to show you how I work through things. We all have ups and downs, and I’m always happy to chat about them with you. Click below to..
